An Open Letter from an American Man to Muslim Men
by Martin Higgins 

    Now That We're All Going To Be Buddy-Buddy
                   and all that happy shit...
 
    Here are a few items you might keep in mind, since any mentally competent American is putting moral relativism out on the curb with reparations, political correctness and the garbage. 

    Please, for your own safety, start using toilet paper and washing your hands after urinating or defecating. We know all about the "eat with your right hand, wipe with the left" bullshit, and regardless of how logical that sounds to you and yours, we will still be looking at you knowing that you have a shitty left mitt. It may be a charming goatherd custom, but in light of recent developments you may want to forego your bunghole fetishism and join the rest of us in the 21st century. By the way, many of us rub our dog's ass with our right hand, so next time we reach out to shake your hand, you may want to augment your goatcheese and flycrap lunch with couple Erythromycins. 

    Next. We love our women. We honor our women by being equals with them and licking them into a big wide grin every once-in-a-while. If that pisses you off, bite your lower lip like Bubba Clinton does, and count to ten. Upon reaching 9, get fuck over it! No man with balls gives two shits what you learned from your livestock-humping sire. That’s where syphilis came from, Massoud or whatever the fuck your name is. Let’s just say, “Muhammitz” it’s close enough to get the point across. (Apologies to Frank Zappa’s 200 Motels character Rance Muhammitz)

    You see, we've got a bug up our ass about equality and we're willing to put teeth in its enforcement. To wit, we may overlook the nonsense Muslim men do to their women in their shithole countries, usually because we have our hands full here in the civilized world. But treat my wife, daughter for girlfriend like an inferior and expect me – and them – to stomp your sorry ass into a ruddy mudhole. Nothing personal, mind you - just buddy-to-buddy, woman-to-punk business. 

   It was revealing when the FBI revealed that the "martyr pilots" (neither!) were boozing it up at Vegas Stripper Clubs while waiting to snuff their lives, massacre innocents, screw over their own families and bring Holy Shit From On High down on their people. Mario! More Lap Dancers for the Martyrs!

     I'm sure these Fatwa Fuckwads were muttering tenthead argle-bargle as the strippers rubbed hot, stanky cooze on their faces. Jihad Jack-offs. So very Holy...  like Holy Fuck! Who are these backhair, sweat-fountain, shitbags? Drunk Arabs grabbing whore snatch. I must have missed something when I was flipping through the Koran looking for kinky sex positions. Wrong book? Your problem, not mine…

    So, getting drunk with loose barsnatch is part of Osama's master plan? No wonder he’s got bunch of horny needledick schmucks ready to die for a few slices of virgin poon. Teenage American boys get a better deal by buying a Shelby Mustang and learning how to kiss worth a shit. Hell, we throw a fucking football and get laid until we’re too sore to score more!

    See, the hijack-offs couldn't get a roll any other way. What lucky, lucky fuckheads. The next batch of "martyrs" won't make it out of the Stripper Clubs. We've given the dancers box cutters and a standing order for Muslim dick at $500. per 1/4oz. That'll work out to about $1,000 per penis since you probably don't understand the math involved.

     And, YOUR people invented Algebra? Yeah, right, after looting the libraries of great civilizations.

     I refuse to believe your inbred ancestors could to get to quadratic equations from "One goat; two goats, many goats…” Face it, you stole every shred of knowledge you have from better, more intelligent people and burned all their books. Just like the caught-redhanded, dipshit car thief that tells a cop, “Uh, I bought it from this Dude.” “What was his name?” “I dunno’, it was just this Dude…”

    And, about that chip on your shoulder that the worldwide Caliphate has not been established? What the fuck is that about? You lost your pimpled asses a thousand years ago and still haven't gotten over it? Am I confused about this? You proclaim, “Islam and the Sword!” but to me it looks like "Islam and the razorblade" not unlike the cardboard razors the Haaj-jackers used when they were working 7-11’s and Quickie Marts.Here’s a tip: Use the razor to shave your face – you look like a baboon’s ass.

     The reason you and your ilk are living in vomit and rodent shit is because you thought submission and praying would get you into the party. Look at what praying has gotten you - a one-way ticket to the cornfield where even the most chicken-shit crows will eat your eyes and gizzard as you hang on a timber cross. You’re screwed, blued and tattooed, Massoud…

    In short, we are really fucking mad at you. Do you get that? And using our technology, massive weapons, lawyers, handguns, common sense and possibly a Lesbian Delta Force with starightrazors, we're going to exact some of your own  Koranic revenge for the next decade or two.

    Yeah, yeah, it’ll look like some random stick-up man dusted a counter clerk, or a blood feud between turbans went AFU, or a splash of radioactive waste on the driver's seat of your car has cooked your balls off, your next bottle of aspirin might get a "hot load” of some experimental, psychotropic drug, your mosque starts emitting Radon gas, or some such amusement...

    Jesus (and I use the name with a respect you had bet start showing) this’d be a perfect time for you to tell American how much you love us. Mow our fucking lawns, weed our fucking gardens, wash our skivvies.

    Respond promptly, Your silence is irritating and your “grace account” is slipping into the blood-red column.

    Revenge is a dish best eaten cold, and we have elephant-like total recall. Anyway there wouldn’t be much you could do, other than engage in some generous ass-kissing to soothe our jangled nerves.

    Yours in Peace, (and there ain’t nothing more peaceful than a dead Jihadi…)

El Madhi Higgins
Mohammad’s Nightmare 

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